Take a Breath and Softly Say Good-bye

Hello world

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:20:53 GMT

Heeey I haven't updated in a bit.

I HAVE NO DOODLES.

OR PICHARS.

DESPITE THE FACT THAT MY UPDATES RARELY HAVE EITHER OF THOSE.

Digression. Winter break in one week! Just finals and this craziness is over and I can forget about this awful year. Granted, I've had a lot of amazing times, but I really want to put the bad behind me and just... start anew. And I think I'll really enjoy these classes spring semester.

Can't quite yet, but once finals are done I'm going to suck in a breath and just let it all out. I gotta cleanse. Don't need this negativity.

I don't need my grandmother's approval. I don't need my biological father's love-- I have my Dad's. I don't need to know what my career is going to be. I don't need to rush. I have my family and this wonderful group of friends that I care about very dearly. They ground me. They make all the horrible things seem not that unbearable when I'm with them.

Methinks I'll keep them.

Also~

Stumbled on a quote about love, summed up pretty perfectly:

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole suit of armor, for years, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

(Neil Gaiman, The Sandman~ a series which I have never read. :) )

Dear lord in a nutshell. Trying to ignore how it feels can get very exhausting-- it's painful, but it's just the way life is. I can't let that keep me down.
So I'll do my best. That's all there is.

:)

Character memeeee

Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:40:52 GMT

Tagged by apple_autumn

1) First list all your OC’s by first name so we can see your list of all your wonderful OC’s:
1. Verity
2. Sery
3. Betra
4. Alindi
5. Lily
6. Lotta
7. Emily
8. Ethan
9. Cian
10. Blake

2) Who is your favorite OC?
... Yeah, dude, that's hard D:
They all have certain traits that I prefer over others, but alltogether I like them all.

3) Who is your least favorite?
Ethan.

-shot-

4) Who is your most developed?
Princesss. Alindi a close second.

5) Which OC would you want to date if they magically came to life?
Lol. Uh. Sery, I guess XD

He'd be fun to hang out with.

6) How many girl OCs do you have? Boy OCs? It OCs?
HEEERE. 5 girls, 5 boys. On my list... 21 guys, 18 girlies.

7) If you were stuck in a burning building what do you think the third OC on your list would do?
He'd be stupid and try to save me because he's self-sacrificing like that :D (Betra)

8) Name one thing you regret about one of your OCs.
Giving Ethan a completely effed up personality and allowing myself to get into his character. I actually restrain with him a lot because the imagery I get from his mindset seriously makes me uncomfortable some times.

9) Which of your OCs do you think would make the best father/mother/it parent out of all your OCs and why??
Betra would be a good daddy, and Alindi and Emily would make good mommies. :)

10) Which of your OCs do you think will most likely be put in jail?
HRM.

HRRRRRM. -hit-

11) The eighth of your OCs was put into the future! What will their job be?!?
HE WANTED THIS MEME TO BE ALL ABOUT HIM

Dude I don't know. Something underground and incredibly illegal.

12) Name the first OCs catch phrase! (if they don’t have one just make one up)
(Verity) "........ *stare*"

13) Do all your OCs live together or are they separated?
Betra, Sery and Ies live togetheeeer. (siblings)
And Princess and Blakey live together. :) (cousins-kinda)

14) Are there any pairings that are in your OC list? (they can’t be with someone else's)
Betra and Lily had their this-isn't-gonna-go-anywhere-at-all thing, and Blake and Lotta had a really... interesting relationship. XD It didn't end well.

15) Your seventh OC switched bodies with you for a day! How will they react at the end of the day?
Emily: Your little-self adventures on the moving box were so... so wonderful!! 8DD Like I was really there!!
Me: ... You mean my xbox?
Emily: 8D *nod*
Me: ... Did you go anywhere else?
Emily: ... No. :D; -lost track of time-

16) Your last OC just became a fifteen year old. What do they do?
... Lmao.

AWKWARD PUBERTY FOR YOU, BLAKEY
I bet he had a really squeaky voice and was super gangly as a youngin'.

17) Now randomly select a person on your OC list. Who was it?
Sery. :D

18) That OC you just chose? Yeah they think they are superman (even if they are a girl) and are on the roof about to jump off.
DUDE YOU KNOW THAT SUPERMAN IS LIKE THE LAMEST SUPERHERO.

Sery: ... Hell, you're right D:;

19) Are any of your OCs bored of this meme?
Princess. And Ali... and Lily. :D

20) Would your second OC prefer the beach or the mountains?
Sery likes the beeeeeach.

21) Would your tenth OC battle a shark?
Blake isn't a dumbass :D

22) Which OCs hate each other?
Blakey and Princess hate Ethan... ... and I really don't know how to describe Lotta and Blake's feelings toward each other now. :D

23) Which OC did you create first? And last?
Alindi was my first :> -tugs elfy ear-
On this list, Lotta was my most recent.

25) And if those two were fighting, who would win?
... Sorry Ali 8D; Lotta's not even from the same plane of existence as everyone else.

26) Are your OCs fat or skinny?
I have a couple of curvier people and then most of them are normal. (Out of my list, Ethan's the skinniest, because he's just like... bone. And Thae's super tiny too.)

27) What are your first 2 OC's favorite foods?
Fooor Verity.... I think she'd like really weird things. Like the kind of stuff Starfire eats.
And Sery likes anything because he is ALWAYS HUNGRY.

28) If your listed OCs were in a fight to the death, who would emerge victorious?
Pssschaw. 8D; Lotta. Iunno about Verity, because I think she's only half immortal. Theeen...Ethan, and maybe Blake.

29) There's a zombie attack and your OCs are stranded. Who do they elect to be their leader?
Lily would elect herself, because she's not gonna trust anyone else to do a good job. :D

30) During said zombie attack, who's the first to die?
Probably Emily =D; She'd be as resourceful and helpful as she possibly could, but when it comes down to it she can't fight and she's completely mortal, so. :D;

Halloweeny

Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:12:41 GMT

Blerp

Still kind of partially out of it, but the week's over! And thankgod. So here's some Halloween stuff~ (My decorations, not the party.)

So on the Wednesday before Halloween I carved my pumpkin.

I named him my Dur pumpkin.

Why Dur?

That's why.

All that was left was his skeleton, so...

TIEM TO DECORATE!

Don't cry, emo kid, it's not that bad.

Et voila! I have a less warpy picture but this one just looked cool.

AND THEN OUR DECORATIONS~

My family loves Halloween, it's kind of our Christmas decoration-wise. I really wish that I had time to take pictures once everything was set up at night, since half of the stuff isn't in these pictures, but let me tell you. With all the other tombstones and three fog machines and black lights and strobes and a fogging skull thing? Bitchin'. It looked seriously awesome once it was all done.

ohithere

He's at an angle so it looks like he's flying, so he's actually a lot taller than that, we just couldn't hang him up that high. :( Here Dad and our friend Nick were figuring out where to put a fog machine

Top of our garage~

About half of my cobwebs, I stopped midway to snap pictures. I had to redo them three effing times, and I wasn't really satisfied with how they looked here (they looked the best the first time I put them up) But once the blacklights were on at night, they looked really nice. We also hung some giant egg sacks, too.

Hi Herman!

Shot of the yard. The cobwebs went out into the grass and there was a little area you could walk under. The guy standing at the door rips his head off. :) I also did bloody handprints and footprints up the walkway but I didn't take pictures of those. :(
We also had a guy at the foot of the yard who was like... the Ferryman, I think? And he's motion-sensored and yells at everyone to go away/turn back/he's coming etc. Also got a few more tombstones and a scary-looking black cat and... I dunno wtf else we did, but it looked great in the end.

So yeah. :D Next year I'll take lotsa pictures when the whole thing's actually finished, but you get the idea! And the party on Halloween was fun too, but I didn't take pictures, surrey. D:

Sound the alarms and ignore

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 02:05:10 GMT

Life bitchiiing/rantiiiing ignore.

A lot of fun things have happened but I'll probably get to a Halloween post some time in the future. Right now I'm just... tired. From everything. Today I blanked during my speech and I've never felt so absolutely... hopeless. Like I just gave up on myself. I think for that long and drawn out silence, when I tried to find my thoughts again and just laughed bitterly at myself... It was like a terrible dream, and the realization that it was real, I couldn't do this here, not now, was like a slap in the face. I felt so sick, it was such an awful sensation. When I found my voice again, I finished the speech and hurriedly ran out of the classroom.

I don't know. I had it down, I know I did, it just happened. It's my own fault for letting all of my outside stress affect my performance. I accept responsibility for that, and I know that I'm just human, mistakes happen...

It's everything. My aunt and what she did to my cousin... abandoned her, cut her out of her life, like my father did to me. I couldn't believe how eerily paralleled our lives were. My mom's stress, trying to help her, to find a job... And my own stupid emotions. It's funny, how one day they're responsible for making me so... happy, and at peace, and any disruption in that causes me to fall apart. To know reality.

Well screw reality.

I don't like either choice.

Bounce back. This horrible year will be over soon, and I can leave the bad and just remember the good things that held me together.

ignoreignoreignore 8|~

I can't put my finger on it. What lures me back to you, each time, what makes me completely infatuated with someone I told myself I was done with. Really, I can't explain it, and I've already tried too many times. I give up. You've broken my heart before. I think I forgot, and fell in love with you again. And I know you'll never love me. I know this. I know this. I know that when I got scared in that haunted house, just the once-- I reached for your hand in the darkness and never found it. But I know that you would have pulled away. ...Wouldn't you? I... know this. But I like to pretend. I like to joke with you and smile with you and for a brief moment feel that this is what I want. I'm looking. I'm still hoping you'll love me one day. You won't hurt me. I trust you, somehow, I trust you so much, and I'm not afraid of you like the others. You've made me cry before, you've made life seem absolutely unbearable. When it was okay again, I forgave you. I don't know what else to do. I can't just... stop. I've tried. And I hate it. I'll imagine leaning on your shoulder, and imagine your smile, just for me, and your hand stroking my hair. God, I can imagine it so well, too. I feel terrible, but I feel worse when I tell myself that I have to stop loving you. Denial is such a deep-seeded thing.

lulsy bandwagon is a go

Fri, 30 Oct 2009 04:26:08 GMT

I'll prolly kill my brain with this argh.

the rated r meme:
➀ comment with a character of mine.
➁ receive three bits of headcanon about their sexuality: practices, preferences, experiences, fantasies, kinks, etc.
➂ receive information about their current love life/attractions and crushes if applicable.

YAKNOW THE DRILL.

Ehsure.

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 22:32:41 GMT

Ask me either a broad question (i.e 'who is your cruelest character?', 'what is your most optimistic story?') or a specific question/request ('what would does ___ come from?', 'tell me about ___') and I will answer you. Or you can ask meta- questions like 'what was the inspiration for creating ____?

I'm so jonesin' for Halloween you have no idea. I WANT CREEPY STUFF AND COSTUMES AND PARTIES AND HORROR MOVIE MARATHONS RIGHT NOOOOW

RIGHTNOW

memememe

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 07:56:00 GMT

PEOPLE ORIGIIIINS

Write out the names of your characters and explain:
1.) How you thought of their name.
2.) What made you create the character in the first place.
3.) How the character has changed over time (If they have changed).
4.) Any random fun fact about that character.

1. BETRAAA
In the Downgrade story the parasitic clanny thing for Khao has a different tradition to naming their children. They're not immediately named after birth, but rather once they start developing their 'true' personality, or the one they consider to be their real child, not the human host. So they name their kid based on what they exhibit-- Betra's true name is really Betrayal, but on medical and governmental records and stuff they always have a shortened version. It's the same for all of the people directly involved with the main clan.

2. When I was about... 13 or so I actually really wanted to make a story about villains being the main characters. I wanted people to root for the evil people, feel for them, and totally turn around the stereotype of good guys being the heroes. So I ended up making Betra, Sery and Ies (originally made to be these evil people), and it just kinda blossomed from there.

3. Lol oh god. Regardless of my idea I was still a dumb 13 year old, I dunno wtf I was thinking. Betra was some evilseme!bishounen type that was maybe or maybe not gay and smoked a lot and wore these really faggy trenchcoats that look liked the bastard children of Sephiroth's. I-I don't even. And I secretly paired Betra w-with Sery and I DON'T EVEN
And now he's not really a villain, that's what the blackout personalities came from, but now he's a pretty flawed main character. He's all about indentity, and he's a strong person but pretty emotionally-driven and not... so.. macho? I mean, he's not a pussy, just kinda normal, but cares what other people think and sometimes they take advantage of him. AND HE LOVES. HIS. WOMEN. :D

4. He's Arro's favorite child, but he was totally a Mama's boy since Arro was never really around. (And you know, kinda cheated on her with Sery's mommy years later.)

1. ETHRIIIM
His name was actually kinda tweaked from the name Ephram, which was a character on a show called Everwood I used to watch forever ago. He was nothing like the character, but I really liked the name and wanted to use it for something, but I felt that it sounded a bit too... iunno. Religionish? So I altered it to still have the same ring.

2. I felt that Kalreah needed someone to balance out her darky-dark-mc-dark-dark. So I made a white brother.

3. He was actually a lot more priesty-magey back then and not so much of a... wimp? Just boring. But he went on a lot of self-righteous annoying rants and so I wanted him to be less... aggravating to play. :D So he's a bumbling white mage trying to spread good goddess cheer n whatnot but kinda failing a lot.

4. He's all about nonviolence but can kick some srs ass with his bo staff if he absolutely had to.

If there's any other characters you're curious aboot just hoollaaaa 8V

SKETCH DUMP

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 05:00:19 GMT

Since I barely do any of these.

First up doodles I've just done in my notebook this week during class/breaks. SO LINED PAPER YEAH BITE ME GET OVER IT

I mean ilu

Doodlie of Maureen and Holland, Cian aka Princess' older seestar and brother. (Biologically.) Maureen I've never /really/ drawn with much detail and Holly was icky the first time I attempted, so I kinda wanted to refresh my memory. They don't get along at all-- Maureen's all charming and liberal and a huge theatre buff/feminist, and Holly's just a... bitter logical JOB-ORIENTED person. So they argue over Princess' future a lot. :B

He ever rarely approves.

I was freezing in Oral Comm so I drew my character Lan in warm clothes. 8,D

And she's probably onlooking Emily quite hopelessly.

Why yes, yes she is. EMI is my super happy ADVENTURE-LOVIN' 16 year-old. She likes horsies and war stories and is convinced that she will find a real dragon one day :D

New character! Her name is Anca and she was made because hungryspider and I wanted people with goat eyes. :B So she is the goatlady-sister to her goatman-brother. She's quiet and shy and glarey and overprotective. :D

And lastly, a preview of a pichar I'mma color once I get around to it
My character Aleeexis. Yes, he smokes. His philosophy is that if he's blind already why bother caring about his health. He's one of those people that come off as really "cool" and "mysterious" but he's actually really dorky and shy when you talk to 'im.

SO YEAH. PARTY. *confetti*

BAND-WAGONING

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 23:32:34 GMT

SICK OF ME YET?

ASK ANY OF MY CHARACTERS A QUESTION

AND THEY WILL ANSWER TO YOU

NOTHING IS OFF-LIMITS, GRAWR, LARGE BOLD MAKES ME FEEL IMPORTANT

Derp

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 06:27:09 GMT

I've realized that when I'm super angry or frustrated while driving I just scream "derp" at the top of my lungs.

I think I've made it a swearword, wut.

My djinn, Lotta. Looking way too sweet wut :D I wanted to draw her with a tiiie

I suppose that's the point, though. Before she starts making you throw up your intestines and imagining that you're breaking your jaw open~ :D...

SHE'S A SWEETHEART

OC MEME

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 03:36:56 GMT

1. Fill up the blanks with your OCs, or favorite characters/ Put their names by the numbers, too.
2. Answer the questions, or try to.
3. TAG 3 people.

1) Lily
2) Dei
3) Lotta
4) Princess
5) Blake
6) Sery
7) Ethan
8) Betra
9) Ies (little)
10) Verity

1. What if 7 (Ethan) and 4 (Princess) kissed?
... gack 8D;
Not.... good... things 8D;
For anyone except Ethan 8D;

2. Where would 2 (Dei) bury a treasure?
Lawl uh SOMEWHERE WHERE NO ONE WOULD EVER FIND IT EVER

3. 6 (Sery) and 10 (Verity) get into a fight. Who resorts to violence first?
Prolly Verity.
Uncle should get her that toy. :D
Even if it's a human being. :D

4. 1 (Lily) is kidnapped and their kidnapper demands a ransom of 1,000 dollars from 5 (Blake). Do they help 1 (Lily)?
lmao.
If he "gets a reward", then sure, he'd help without hesitation.

5. Who is stronger? 6 (Sery) or 8 (Betra)?
SO IT COMES DOWN TO THAT, HUH
Betra, only because he's pureblood.

6. Who is 3's (Lotta) secret love?
Pft. Dude, I have no idea. XD

justletherpartywithherot3

7. Can 8 (Betra) juggle?
...............No.

8. 1 (Lily) is asked on a date by their favorite actor/actress. Do they accept the date?
"Why yes, Brad Pitt, I would absolutely love to go out with you."

9. What is 5 (Blake)'s biggest fear?
A powerful woman. :D

10. A meteor is about to hit the planet, can 7 (Ethan), 2 (Dei), and 10 (Verity) stop it?
.... 8D;

No, dear god, they wouldn't 8D;

11. Is 9 (Ies) single?
SHE'S 11 D8;

13. Does 1 (Lily) wish this TAG was over?
Of course she does.

14. 8 (Betra) and 7 (Ethan) are dancing to the waltz. 2 (Dei) comes in and sees them dancing. 2 (Dei)'s reaction?
He'd... prolly stare at Ethan for a sec and then flitter a bit and then leave. :D .... *pets Betra*

15. 9 (Ies) and 5 (Blake) go to the movies. What movie do they see?
Uh. .....

...
Transformers? :D (Ies watches for robots, Blake for Megan Fox.)

16. You are attacked by 1 (Lily), 3 (Lotta), and 9 (Ies). Can you survive?
... Nope. :D *waves arms*

17. What is 4 (Princess)'s favorite color?
Derp. Naaaavy blue.

18. Can 7 (Ethan) sing?
... -shudder- No.

19. A vampire bites 2 (Dei). 4 (Princess) sees this, what do they do?
... Hrm.

20. All the OC's get into a battle Royal. Who will win?
Pft.

Lotta.

Duh.

DERP

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 01:11:23 GMT

MEMEEEEEE THINGYTHINGY tagged kinda-sorta by Crazel.

HUMOR MEEEEEE

YOU
1. Name:
2. Date of birth:
3. Where you live:
4. What makes you happy:
5. Currently listening/the last thing you listened to:
6. Do you read my journal?:
7. If yes, what makes it especially good or bad?:
8. An interesting fact about you:
9. What do you love at the moment?:
10. Favourite place to spend time:
11. Favourite lyric:
12. The best time of the year:

RECOMMEND
1. A film:
2. A book:
3. A band, a song, or album:
4. A manga/anime (or many if you wish):

PLUS
1. One thing you like about me:
2. Two things you like about yourself:
3. Look at my friends-list and tell what you like about one of our mutual friends:
4. Put this in your journal so that I can tell you what I like about you.

Derp

Sun, 20 Sep 2009 05:28:22 GMT

Haven't updated in a while! I felt bad. So here is me, updating.

School started and the majority of my classes are pretty rubbish, in the way that they're boring as hell, the professors are stale, and the material is just too damn easy. The only thing I look forward to is French, and the professor is actually likable-- she reminds me of a French/Spanish Q Sensei. In any case, though, I still hang out with my friends and I'm making some new ones, so I can't complain too much about anything.

AV was a blast! It's great to have a big cosplay group and the masquerade was really successful, and I bought some great figurines. <3 (A little Darry from TTGL, a Meer from Gundam Seed Destiny, and Zack Fair and Aerith. :D)

Excluding 2 npcs. :B
Aaaand Halloween's coming up, and I bought this costume hyere~

Lawl, it's so different from what I'm used to, but I figured why the hell not? It's cute, sexy, and might as well do it while I'm young, damn. (I already sound so old just saying that, someone hit me.)
But yeah! So that'll be coming up, Ren Faire too, so plenty of dress-up times, yaaaaay. <3 I love costumes so much, it's that one time you get to step out of reality for a bit. :)

I'm gonna try and go to AX this year and if I do, I'm gonna try and cosplay Litchi from Blazblue, and then maybe rewear my Yukiko outfit, too. Litchi's such a cool design and I wanna make the panda on her ponytail something awful. So we'll see how that goes. :D

Uhm. :D

Singing Journey on Rockband is fun. And I saw Ponyo and it was kind of adorable, and I loved Inglourious Basterds, because so much of it was lolmorbid humor. Which is right up my alley.

I NEED A JOB.

Yes. Yes I do.

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 22:10:45 GMT

School tomorrooow. I'm actually just stressing about stupid family shit, but eh. Trying to ignore that.

On a sidenote, Anh! I either need your number or you need to call me tomorrow to see what time I can show you around. I have three classes MW but there's like a break in between two of them, so let me know. Otherwise I'll see the rest of you there!

I'll probably moan and complain about starting school as soon as I do, but really I need the distraction, soo.

Also, AV ritenow.

SNEAKPEAK

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 00:23:57 GMT

I drew it on yesterday and painted a little bit today. How's it's lookin'~

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:10:22 GMT

Deedly-doop, felt like I should update.

School starts Monday and I'm actually pretty excited for this year, regardless of my total disinterest in the majority of the classes. But I enjoy just hanging around campus and soaking it all in, so I'm eager again. A letter from UNLV said that I needed to decide my major soon, so after this semester I'll probably declare English.

But I feel like I'm in a decent place right now. Maybe because I have a lot coming up to keep me distracted, so I don't dwell on the negative. Everyone's been wearing thin lately, mostly due to bills, but it hasn't weighed me down completely yet, and I see that as a good sign that things are still getting better. I am worried about people growing apart, since we're slowly but surely getting more scattered around, but I think that's just a paranoia issue I need to stop thinking about. If I'm that determined to keep my friends then I just won't let something like that happen. I am the parasitic growth to your animal.

AV's also coming up and with an actual costume and skit this year, it's bound to be loads of fun. That and it's back at Cashmen and there's no shit to ruin it for me like last year.

Also with some hope I can think about getting some kind of job, maybe even meet another guy I'm even moderately interested in, blah. I've considered joining some kind of club, but I wouldn't even know where to start. It needs to be something I'm genuinely interested in, or I'm just gonna flake on the whole thing, haha. I'll be going back to the gym, too, once I get my schedule worked out. It's such a nice place and free for students, it'd be a waste not to use it. (And you can watch the hot guys in speedos in the pools if you use the treadmills on the second level.)

I'm determined to socialize and be outgoing. I want to take spontaneous road trips and I want to go out to the lake and trips to Disneyland and eventually I want to travel and see France. I want to see Venice, and I want to see Japan and New Zealand and by golly one day I'm going to go to every single one of them.

I'm determined to make more memories that I can think of fondly when I'm older. And it ain't gonna happen if I live a boring life of routine every day.

soyeah.

CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU ALL! =D I wanna hang out with everybody, so just give me a hollar whenever. <3

Door muraaaaal

Sat, 08 Aug 2009 05:15:29 GMT

So decorating makes me happy and lately I've needed a huge dose of happy. That and I've been meaning to do a mural on my closet door for ages. That being said, I yoinked off all the posters, took a picture, and messed with some ideas on photoshop. They're just crappy sketches and the end results would be much more detailed/BETTER, but I wanted to feedback to see which would look best. :D

My brain wouldn't really leave art-nouveau land, since most people know I have this retarded obsession with SWIRLY DETAILED THINGS. So all of these pretty much have the same vibe.

I also wanna incorporate some words-- maybe lyrics or somethings, so everything with 'WORDS' is where they would be, essentially. And remember they're just concept/placement sketchies. The first idea would probably have warmer/more tropical colors.

:D

This would be more celestial/sky with styled clouds and crap.

SO YEAH. LEMME KNOW WHICH IDEA YOU LIKE BEST. :D!

Writer's Block: Fantasy Sports

Tue, 04 Aug 2009 08:59:34 GMT

Imagine you manage a coven of baseball-playing vampires. The Cullen family is really strong this year and you want to bring in a ringer. Which currently active MLB baseball player do you sire?

Submitted By seannau

View 502 Answers

I fucking shoot them in the head.

End.

birthdaaaay

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 07:27:40 GMT

I HAS AN XBOX360

*ANNOUNCES TO WORLD*

And I don't feel any older. If anything I feel taller, despite knowing that I have not grown at all.

Ahhh welly-well. FUNTIEMS TOMORROOOOW~

I am essited. :D

Stolen by people

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 06:28:11 GMT

List the first ten fandoms that come to mind. Your friends will comment with the character from each series that they think you are most like. No favorites (...unless it's legit)!

1. DC comics (YES ALL OF THEM)
2. Marvel comics (YES, ALL OF THEM)
3. Berserk (surewhynot)
4. Scrubs
5. Sailor Mooon
6. Hey Arnold!
7. EVERY SINGLE ANIMATED DISNEY MOVIE, YEAH I WENT THERE
8. Lord of the Rings
9. FMA
10. ATLAB

Fri, 17 Jul 2009 03:22:46 GMT

A good update, for once! Just talking in general helped a lot, I think, and this morning cheered me up a whole lot! 'Cause my COOOOSTUME CAME.

media.giantbomb.com/uploads/0/5874/825650-yukiko_large.jpg

But the skirt is so

so

so

so

short. D8;;

Barely wearable short, but thank God I get to wear black tights with the thing. And maybe shorts, we'll see. 8| I tried it on for my parents and they said it looked fine, and I'm just not used to wearing anything that... that. Hah. 8D; So, LET'S WORK ON THAT SELF-CONFIDENCE THING, SHALL WE~

I just can't, ya know. Bend over or climb stairs. :D

-shot-

All I need for it now are the shoes and a haircut, since my bangs are past my nose, now. I haven't had any that short in a while, lol.

And to iron the hell out of it since there's all the icky packaging creases. On a side note: Anyone have any bloody idea on how to tie Japanese school uniform scarves? 8|;

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 02:13:25 GMT

The emotional rollercoaster seriously needs to stop. Some days I'm fine, I feel fine and everything's okay, and I think that this whole mess was just my mood. But then I get it again, always again, and I end up cornering myself and making it worse. I get so... upset, so annoyed and angry and irritated, and then so sad and depressed. It's unbearable.

I have to write this down, somewhere, because I honestly feel like I've used up every shoulder to cry on that used to give a damn. I don't /want/ to talk to anyone, because it's an inconvenience to them, it's an annoyance to them. Every time it gets this way all I can do it berate myself, because I feel so insincere, so fake and whiney. Can't talk to anyone. Not even my mom, just... I don't know. It isn't to be pitied, or babied, or for attention... it's none of that. It can't be. I just... want help. And I don't know how or from who to get it anymore.

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 02:12:57 GMT

Sooo bleh.

Apparently my depression hasn't been getting any better, lately. In fact I'm positive that somehow over the last two weeks it's gotten worse from the static-level it has been. I'm having these constant, horrible nightmares that keep me sleeping until late in the afternoon, and trying to fall asleep at night has become a feat in its own.

I finally told mom about them, at least the basic gist of what most of them entail, and it really upset her. Of course she blamed herself, like any mother would, saying that because of her rocky relationship with my biological father I was so hostile towards men. She knows I have that phobia, she just isn't aware of the why and I have no intention of telling her. But I tried to assure her that I don't think it's her fault at all, because it really isn't.

Of course~ ONCE again the idea of getting a therapist was brought up, since she seems to think that having someone to talk to about them might help me get over this. I told her that I've honestly considered it before, but the further we talked about it seemed that she was convinced that I was getting suicidal.

Which I'm NOT, by the way. I've been around too much death, why the hell would I want more of it.

I'm just... constantly down. Even the things that can cheer me up only last for as long as they're there. My mom and I had a fight today because she /knows/ I've been miserable for a while now and she's frustrated that no matter what she tries I can't seem to get out of it. Not like I really know what to do, either. It doesn't help that I don't have that much access to my car anymore, not until Calvin fixes his motorcycle. Can't even leave the house to distract myself.

I'm just kind of at a loss right now. I've heard every piece of advice and inspirational bullcrap and it just irritates me. But it's definitely not fun to constantly feel this way, at all.

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 04:53:42 GMT

Sorry, I'm raging and typing it down makes me feel better.

You know, I liked Michael Jackson, his image deterioration aside, and I had respect for Farrah Fawcet. So I wasn't entirely impacted by their deaths as others, but people like my mother were. And regardless of who they were they were still two people that died and should be given the respect like any other human being on this planet.

That's why it pisses me off seeing them as the punchline to every goddamn joke not a day after their death. I understand light humor to try and lighten the situation, but such cruel and demeaning jokes are absolutely pathetic, and the people spewing them should be ashamed of themselves.

How would you feel if your loved one just died and all people did was crack funnies about it?

It's lame. Incredibly lame.

I'm not saying that every death has to be approached in a somber and totally morbid type of mourning.

Just have some goddamn class.

Sun, 21 Jun 2009 03:28:55 GMT

Guess I haven't really updated this much lately. Things are still slowly getting better. Been spending whatever time I can going over to friends' houses and distracting myself the best I can. Slowly getting back into drawing, though as far as my writing and actual creativity goes it's still been seriously lacking.

I think since this whole thing began over a month ago (can't believe it's been so long already) I've been trying to punish myself. Why, I can't really explain, but depression is something I've had to battle with for a while. Lost interest in hobbies and interests, either slept too long or not at all. The nightmares have thankfully laid off and I've been free of those for about two weeks, now. Luckily during this I've found new ways to distract myself (most craft-related, something to keep my hands occupied), and from what I can tell the family is closer and a lot more affectionate.

So, slowly but surely. I'm not trying to pull out my hair and claw myself silly anymore, and I'm dwelling on the bad a lot less. Provided this continues we should be all right. Still having trouble getting to fall asleep, though.

I have all of my friends in my prayers every night hoping that you'll never have to go through something like this, and if you did to have the strength to be happy again. It's difficult and gives you such a bleak outlook on life, but eventually you remember to smile and laugh again because it's quite impossible to be so sad forever. It's never the end of the world, no matter how bad a situation might be. No one ever give up on that.

: )